Coming Home for the Holidays? What to Look For When Visiting Aging Parents
Thanksgiving 2023, I walked into a home I thought I knew well.
It had been a year since I’d been home. The person who raised me had always kept an immaculate house. But this time, something was different. The floors hadn’t been swept in weeks. Mail was piling up on the counter. Beds weren’t made. The trash in the back rooms hadn’t been taken out. I opened the pantry and saw ants crawling over expired food that should have been thrown away months ago.
Knowing what to look for doesn’t make it easier. It didn’t prepare me for the feeling of when I realized someone I love was declining, and I hadn’t seen it coming.
If you’re heading home to visit aging parents this holiday season, you might experience this same moment. Video calls hide so much. But when you walk through that door, you’ll see the truth.
Here’s what to look for—and what to do about it.
Why In-Person Visits Reveal So Much
When you talk to Mom or Dad on the phone, they sound fine. On FaceTime, they look good. They tell you everything’s great, and you believe them because you want to.
But phone calls have a limited frame. Your parent controls what you see. The camera shows their face, not the kitchen counter. You hear their voice, but you don’t smell the house or notice how much weight they’ve lost.
And here’s the hard truth: many seniors work very hard to hide decline from their adult children. They don’t want to worry you. They don’t want to admit they’re struggling. They definitely don’t want to lose their independence.
That’s why holiday visits are so valuable. You’re there long enough to notice patterns. You see beyond the surface. And you can trust your gut when something feels off.
5 Key Areas to Assess During Your Holiday Visit
When you’re home for the holidays, pay attention to these five areas. Take mental notes, or if you’re visiting with siblings, compare observations together.
5 Key Areas to Assess During Your Holiday Visit
When you’re home for the holidays, pay attention to these five areas. Take mental notes, or if you’re visiting with siblings, compare observations together.
1. The Home Environment
Walk through the entire house, not just the living room. Check the kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms, and those back rooms that don’t get much traffic.
Is the house clean, or is clutter building up? Are dishes piling in the sink? Look in the refrigerator for expired food. Check the pantry for pests or old groceries. Notice lightbulbs burned out and not replaced. The yard overgrown. Bills and mail stacking up unopened.
Your parents’ ability to maintain their home is often the first thing to slip. It’s not laziness. It’s executive function decline, physical limitations, or simply feeling overwhelmed.
2. Food and Nutrition
Open the refrigerator and pantry. What’s actually in there? Fresh groceries, or mostly condiments and expired items? Is your parent eating real meals, or surviving on crackers and canned soup?
Watch them during meals. Are they eating less? Have they lost weight? Ask what they’ve been eating lately. If the answer is vague (“Oh, I eat fine”), that’s often a sign they’re not eating much at all.
Poor nutrition accelerates decline. Sometimes it’s physical. They can’t stand long enough to cook, or arthritis makes opening jars impossible. Sometimes it’s cognitive. They forget to eat, or cooking has become too complex.
3. Personal Hygiene and Appearance
This one’s uncomfortable, but it’s important. Is your parent showering regularly? Are their clothes clean? Look at their hair. Is it washed and combed, or greasy and unkempt? Are they wearing the same outfit multiple days in a row?
For parents who always took pride in their appearance, have they stopped?
Personal hygiene decline is a critical indicator. Showering requires physical ability, cognitive function, and motivation. When seniors stop maintaining hygiene, it’s often because one or more of these has declined. It can also signal depression.
4. Medications
As a pharmacist, this is where I always look first. Ask to see your parents’ medications. All of them, including over-the-counter drugs and supplements.
Are bottles organized, or scattered around the house? Are there duplicate medications? Expired prescriptions still being taken? Are pill bottles full when they should be running low, or empty when they should have refills left
Look at the dates. Are they picking up refills on time? Ask them to explain what each medication is for. Can they tell you?
Medication mismanagement is dangerous and incredibly common. Older adults taking multiple medications can easily get confused about dosing, miss doses, or accidentally double up. Even one medication error can lead to hospitalization.
5. Social Connection and Mental Sharpness
How are your parents engaging with you during your visit? Are they following conversations, or do they seem confused or forgetful? Are they repeating the same stories or questions?
Ask about their social life. Are they still seeing friends, attending activities they used to enjoy? Or have they become isolated? Is the TV on all day?
Notice their mood. Are they their usual self, or do they seem more anxious, irritable, or sad?
Social isolation and cognitive decline often go hand-in-hand. Seniors who stop engaging with others deteriorate faster. And cognitive changes can be early signs of dementia, medication side effects, or treatable conditions like depression or thyroid problems.
How to Have “The Conversation”
So, you’ve noticed the signs. Now what?
Don’t ambush them. Sitting your parent down for a formal “we need to talk” conversation often backfires. It puts them on the defensive immediately.
Start with concern, not criticism. Instead of “Mom, this house is a mess” try “Mom, I noticed you seem more tired than usual. Is everything okay?”
Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Your parent knows something has changed. They might be scared to admit it. Give them space to tell you what’s really going on.
Focus on one thing at a time. Don’t try to solve everything in one conversation. Pick the most urgent issue (usually safety or medications) and start there.
Offer specific help, not vague promises. “What if we hired someone to come clean the house twice a month?” is concrete. “Let me set up your medications in a pill organizer each week” is actionable.
Include them in the solution. This is about supporting their independence, not taking it away. Ask what kind of help they’d be comfortable with.
Local Greensboro Resources
If you’re concerned about your parent after your holiday visit, you don’t have to figure this out alone.
Greensboro Council on Aging offers programs, activities, and referrals for seniors and their families.
Cone Health Senior Services provides geriatric assessments and can help coordinate care for older adults with complex medical needs.
Area Agency on Aging serves Guilford County and can assess your parent’s eligibility for programs like Meals on Wheels, transportation assistance, and in-home support services.
Home care agencies can provide everything from a few hours of companionship per week to full-time care. The key is finding an agency that takes time to understand your parent’s specific needs.
Don’t wait until there’s a crisis. These resources exist to help families navigate exactly what you’re going through.
You’re Not Alone in This
That Thanksgiving visit changed how I see my work. I’ve always cared about helping families, but now I understand what it feels like to walk into a home and realize someone you love needs help.
The hardest part isn’t noticing the changes. It’s accepting that things are different now. That the person who raised you now needs you to step in.
Most seniors want to stay in their homes. With the right support, most can.
At Options, we help families in the Triad navigate this transition. As a pharmacist, I personally review medication safety for every client we serve. It’s something that sets us apart from other home care agencies. Our caregivers are trained to spot changes, and our admin team will communicate with families and healthcare providers.
If you’re concerned about your parent after your holiday visit, we offer free consultations to assess their needs and discuss what support might look like. No pressure, no obligation. Just honest guidance from someone who’s been where you are.
Call us at (336) 213-1467 or visit www.optionscorp.com/greensboro-nc to schedule a consultation.
